The Nine Satanic Statements
1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
Unrestrained pleasure. To live in this day and age, and not admit that indulgence is a top value, is either self-denying or you are truly religious.
2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
The blanks of this statement really have to be filled out by yourself. How would you make your existence vital?
3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
This, of course, makes it the case that all religions represent hypocritical self-deceit. To live for the "after-life" must be the ultimate self-deceit there is.
4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!
Being an ingrate in itself isnt a bad thing. It only means you do not know that someone has sacrificed himself for you. And that being said: If you didn't even know about a sacrifice, would you encourage it?
5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!
You really have to be clever about this one, though. Don't escalate any situation to a level you can't handle.
6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!
Psychic vampires are the one draining you for your energy because of their misery.
7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all!
I guess many people would agree on this statement, but still would have different opinions as to what kind of people that are worse than animals. I would put it differently: Animals are not subject of moral praise or discern, they do not make ethical choices in their life. Animals are not innocent. Nor guilty. They do not fit such terms.
8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
When priests and clerics selected what should be considered a sin, they made sure to select completely normal, healthy human urges. That way, everybody is a sinner and must repent.
9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years!
Satan really means the individuals possibility to act in a way that is not in accordance to the Church. We do not worship a red devil living in hell, because such fantasy figures doesn't even exist.